Dear CBO Family,
This last week, many of us had to portray his or her life in little elevator speeches to his/her family and friends before, during, and after our Thanksgiving meal. It’s not unlike what I imagined it must of have been like for Isaac and Yishmael when they saw each other for the first time, in who knows how long, to bury their father. They had a complicated past with jealousy, rejection, and favoritism…. not that any of OUR families ever have such experiences.
In the last parsha we read about Yishmael: “This is the line of Ishmael, Abraham’s son, whom Hagar the Egyptian, Sarah’s slave, bore to Abraham (Genesis 25:12).” The text goes on to list all of his children. It gets buried in the end of the parsha with no details of the content of their lives, only where they lived.
In this week’s portion, Toledot, we get the reader’s digest version of Isaacs life. This is the story of Isaac, son of Abraham. Abraham begot Isaac.” We then find out about their struggles conceiving and raising their 2 sons, Esav and Yaakov.
I look at these distinct lives, Yishmael and Isaac, and their lineages, each with hidden stories, especially Yishmael’s and how hard it must have been to break through the stranger barrier. These are brothers, essentially strangers, not part of each other’s lives outside of their duty to bury Avraham. For many, these big holiday meals are also those touch points where we encounter the family that is not part of our every day lives. We are often put on the spot to portray ourselves and try to connect. We try to not get mired in the history, but rather be present with the people in front of us.
Thanksgiving is an opportunity to approach each other with curiosity and openness, allowing people to surprise us. We go in with certain conceptions about each person, yet we know that we are not the same as we were last Thanksgiving, and therefore they must also have changed in some way as well. We might ask each other: “What’s different for you now since last Thanksgiving?” “What has been the biggest blessing?” or “What has been the greatest challenge?”
May you feel seen at your Thanksgiving table, able to show up as you are and not only as people expect you to be. May we each approach one another with gentle curiosity, making space to be surprised by the people around us. May your blessings outweigh your challenges.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Bernstein
Affiliated with United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism