Our Torah portion this week, Parshat Ki Tetse, contains seventy four of the six hundred and thirteen Mitzvot (commandments) listed in the Torah. When I was studying the various laws found in Ki Tetse, I found a very fascinating chain of events that linked the laws in the first Aliyah together.
In the first Aliyah, there are three Mitzvot that seem to have nothing to do with one another, when in fact they are all connected. The first is when you are in war and you take a woman captive to have her as a wife. When you bring the woman into your house “she shall trim her hair, pair her nails and discard her captive’s garb. She shall spend a month’s time in your house lamenting her father and mother; after that you may come to her and possess her and she shall be your wife.” (Etz Chayim 1112)
The second Mitzvah is if a man has two wives, one whom he loves and the other who he hates and both have borne him sons, the unloved wife bearing him a child first. When the man “wills his property to his sons” he cannot favor the younger son of the loved wife over the first born son of the wife who he doesn’t love. Instead, he has to accept the first born son and give him a “double portion of all he possesses; since he is the first fruit of his vigor, the birthright is his due.” (Etz Chayim 1113)
The final Mitzvah of the first Aliyah deals with a son who is defiant and does not “heed his father or mother and does not obey them after they discipline him.” (Etz Chayim 1114) After this, his parents are to take him to the elders of the town and say that their son is defiant and does not listen. The elders of the town then stone him to death. With that being said, this has never happened because the Rabbis throughout history have found ways of preventing this and finding loopholes that prevent this horrific death.
So what do all of these laws have in common? They are all a series of ugly events that result in negativity. A man wrongly takes a woman captive while in war, which he has no right to do. After a period of time they are married because he insists on it. Then they become the parents of a son. Is it any wonder the two of them do not get along very well and have a contentious relationship? Their son grows up and understands that his father favors his other wife and child more and he becomes rebellious.
This series of events could have gone very differently if the man had behaved in a decent manner. If he had not taken anyone captive during the war, but instead made sure the woman was free to do as she chose, the relationship would have been based on some kind of mutual respect. The same is true for the son’s relationship because he would see how his father cared for his mother and if she did marry him, it would have been her choice to do so.
What can we, living in the modern world, take from these laws and the way in which they are all connected? We are able to see from them the importance of respectful relationships. How we treat them and act towards them affects not only that relationship; it also affects the relationship our children have with us. If one parent is constantly being rude or disrespectful to the other, or if someone behaves badly during a war or crisis, the children will pick up on this and it will affect them. Respect and kindness are the only real way to build lasting relationships.
Shabbat Shalom, Cantor Kowitz
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